L.B. Simmons

Hold on tight…life is definitely a thrill ride…

Dirt and Tiny Toys


So, I decided to clean a little on this lovely Friday night while my wonderful husband took the kiddos away for a while.  I also decided to take a break 2 minutes in to discuss a couple of things…quite possibly because I’m extremely unmotivated to clean. LOL! And this is why…

Dirt.  Dust.  What the hell and where does it come from?!??!? I don’t get it.  I just dusted on Wednesday and there is a layer so thick on my entertainment center I can write my name.  And I did.  Twice.   Just for the fun of it.

I just swept, but evidently there are little dirt elves that run around my house at night while I’m peacefully sleeping placing unnoticeable amounts of dirt all over my floor.  Because I don’t see it at all.  But when I sweep, there is a mound of debris as tall as I am once I’m finished.  Okay, not really. But still…I find this very frustrating.  

Okay…so I have swept and dusted. Check.  Then I enter my bedroom.

 My children are human tornadoes.  Literally.  I can leave them alone for five seconds in there and the room…completely demolished. So much so, that I’m considering hiring them out as a demolition team.  And I should, because they are freaking expensive and I’m keeping a tab.  Anyway…back to the room…

It’s quite ridiculous.  I leave them alone, to play, and I smile as I’m in the other room…listening to them giggle and have fun.  I think, “Ohhhhh, it’s so nice.  They’re all getting along for a change. I love that.”  Okay…I’m an IDIOT.  Because when I walk into the room, I figure out they aren’t laughing because they’re bonding, or because they have discovered a new found love for each other…no….they are laughing because they have completely torn the room apart.  Stuffed animals on the ceiling fan, pillows used to make forts, blankets used for zig lines, popcorn ALL over the floor because my middle child shoves it in her mouth like she hasn’t eaten in a decade (she’s 7 by the way)…all of this is the source of their happiness.  I walk into the room and I can only say one thing…”Why?”  Why?  I don’t understand.  When I ask them who did it, all I get are batting eyelashes and innocent smiles.  Seriously considering a nanny cam. But why clean it then, I’ll leave it for Friday night…

While cleaning up popcorn from the floor, I notice something else.  Tiny toys.  Everywhere.  Tiny “Victorious” microphone, tiny rabbit dude from “The Rise Of The Guardians”…whose bow and arrow thingy doesn’t work, because I tried it out. Tiny little Polly Pockets that I REALLY hate because the clothes are virtually impossible to get on, tiny Green Lantern guys because the high school empolyee at McDonald’s doesn’t hear me when I tell him I have GIRLS at the drive-thru…which is unfortunate because then I have to listen to them cry the WHOLE WAY HOME because they wanted the tiny My Little Ponies.  But they keep them anyway… 

Yeah, a bunch of tiny tiny toys that serve only one purpose.  I really think my children strategically place them so I have no choice but to step on them in the middle of the night on my way to the bathroom.  But when I step on them, do I actually pick them up?  No.  I curse them and then kick them to the side…only to step on them again when I’m coming back from the bathroom.  I hate them.  And I kinda hate happy meals. 

Anyway…this is my little rant for the evening.  I hope at least someone found it humorous…because then I can feel better about the dirt and tiny toys that seem to have taken over my house!   





Author: L.B. Simmons

Bestselling author of The Mending Hearts Series (Running on Empty, Recovery, Running in Place), and The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller. Upcoming novel, Under the Influence to be released in May 2015.

3 thoughts on “Dirt and Tiny Toys

  1. I’ve stepped on a few legos in my days. Hurt like a motherlover!!!

  2. I told you – just sit down in the floor & cry & they’ll feel so bad they’re making harder on Mommy, they will clean it up!
    But you have to be serious – – you’ll just start laughing when they all started hugging you – – right?

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